Currently Writing !!

Days are passing by and i have no idea where my life is taking me.Last week i was so stressed,what will happen if i can’t find anyone,is there anyone who would miss me if i get lost some where,what exactly life is asking me to do with my future and present?.I seriously have no answers to my anxiety.

However, my mom is equally excited for my future.She wants to see me getting married to the best man and have kids,”kids” i love them,its funny how i want to have babies right now,my baby,2 babies,i would love to have 2-3 kids and a loving father,husband.But Looks nice,isn’t it?.Lucky,some girls are really lucky how smooth their life begins and ends with the right person.Its like how a girl is damage or sad and she still got that person who is not ready to give up on her.How some use others but still find the right one and did not receive their karma. For me things have changed now,i am trying to be more and more busy with life and MARRIAGE is the last thing in my hot list,i have accepted the fact that i have to live alone and take my family responsibility.Earn and make them happy,give em the best life.

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Everything just goes right with these wrong/bad people and everything goes wrong with the good people.I have been hurt so many times,that i could not think of anything.Its hard,hard enough to focus on my path,its hard to walk alone,to sleep,everyday seems to be a tired one when i do nothing,stress is coming back and i am trying harder not to put myself on that situation again,

I don’t want to go back and suffer again,I don’t want to see his face,to come across them,i don’t hate them,i don’t love them.All i have is a numb feeling.TRUST has been broken.I am not DEPRESSED but i am lost.I am happy with my life somehow  but i don’t have fucking idea where it is going.EXPECTATION ,HOPES, i had from those close ones has faded now.Currently,i am more into thinking and writing then socializing.I enjoy my classes and time spent with new experienced people,but something is missing

Anger is on high mode,i am frustrated by the fact that,how could someone use you in every manner,see naked and behave like nothing has happened between the two.How could someone makes you feel special a one day and next day everything is so changed,How could they don’t realize if you are destroying someone’s life ,their soul,that can happen to their sisters too?why everyone go blind when they are hurting someone,why cant they think and observe their behavior that can affect some body’z life.Why everyone is so cold hearted ,all they think about is money and showing off to the world.I wish i could be as smart as they are, and destroy them completely but in the end i let KARMA take the charge.

Currently i am just writing , alone, interacting with new people,missing something in life but still werking.

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Three Men of My Life

A Father is the most important male in a daughters life.he is all in one.A great lecturer,friend,love,a brother for those girls who didn’t have any male sibling,a listener,daughters first and last true love.My dad had lost his mother at a very young age,he has 5 sisters and 4 elder younger brothers.Out of all his brothers,my father is the only one who always respect women.Till date he never scolded or did any wrong to my mother or me.I got the image for a man,that all men are just like him i guess.He taught me that everyone is equal in the eyes of god.And so,i respect all genders, religion,caste,cultures.

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My father gave me the best childhood,a child could ever imagine.though his income was very less and i and my mother knew that,he always tried to do as much as he can for us.A child,demands for a loads of things if i talk about this generation.Since my father came out a joint family,living ,building a home with a very little amount was devastating but he put all his efforts.There came a time,when he had 100 rupees and my parents had to skip a one time meal and use that money to feed me milk.Building a home and maintaining his small family without my grandfathers support is absolutely hard but not impossible.he has attended all my ptm , college meetings and stuff,still he hopes best for my future.i could recall a time when i had my breakups,friends who broke me inside out,he was there ,he saw the sadness ,the worst i been through.If i have to compare him with anyone with those male/guy/uncles who entered in my life,there is literally no comparison with him,nobody,will ever take his place in my heart.He is one of a kind.A father to whom i want to take my next birth again.you can rarely find any male anywhere who would be this much good to his wife and daughter.he has given me the best life,a support which i expected from someone else but he gave me more then i ever thought,he made me stronger and he still is there for me always.He is my First man who i love to death.

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Online connections is on high mode now a days.i remember how i made friends and mots of them came out to be fake.It was summer, june 4-5 2009,when i received a friend request from a guy,to me he looked kind of fine,a guy not to flirt with.From the very first conversation we had good vibes,one year later we ere best friends.i came to know that he is partially deaf, but this does not change my behavior or attitude towards him.with the disability he as listened,perceived all those emotions that nobody ever got.I have got some really nice people around me,but he was special,a brother i never had.we shared half of our lives with each other,from face chat to online chats,he could feel from what i was or am going through.he is my age.And the realized that he is the most important part of my life when one day,my mother got sick.He was there for me ,chatting continuously to calm my mind,from 11.30 pm in the night to 5 am morning.i have many friends but he came out to be different and real,a true soul.I am a person who hardly display her emotions or problems to anyone,but you have to be close or know me truly if anyone wants me to be his part of life.i could recall the time when i wanted god to gift me a real friend for life and he did it.he taught me,that if you want to make someone a priority,communication is the key,no matter if it is call,messages,you try to feel,know what is going on in others life,how a small amount of love and caring could change someones life. Isn’t it amazing how we both live in different cities yet he knew what is happening in my life or mind,if i am sad,happy,or faking smile.such man are harder to find these days but i got him as my REAL BROTHER for life,the second men of my life.

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And at last there comes a man,we want to date,in whom we saw our fathers image,when he started talking to you,and since we had a very good image for men in our mind,we assume this man to be a the same.Found out to be a FAKE man,who had a mentality of draining all your energy,dating with a mean to fuck you ,expecting fun n one night stand,dating you without any future plans,who could hardly be available for you when in need,but available for each and other women.This man has a ability to put all blame on you and show a clean image in front of everyone.He leaves and come back when he wants,loves and make you a complete stranger in the next morning,a fucked up man with whom we share our personal stuff and for him this is regular.If you try to talk or discuss over the matter,you are the one who was wrong but not him.A man who loves to show off,make money and put a fake mask.this man will teach you or give a very false image of  how a man should be,when it is not true.Try not to indulge with this man and focus juts focus on your life,because the damage he will do to you would last and it would be hard to come out.

Advice/suggestion : when you mess with one part of a person’s life,you’re messing with their entire life,And affect everything.Realize it before its too late.

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ZigZag Life (Part-8)

I wish i wish daisy could be so selfish,that she knew how to use people,suck all their happiness and throw them apart.How could a guy use a girl,be it online,*** chat,not every girl is slut.if she is that much open to you,she is trusting him to death.

ever imagined how much she has planned to give you back?.she has more then you ve imagined.she dream of being with you,going places,she is more mature then ou thought,trying new food,laughing,dancing,taking silly pictures,making sure that you are happy,smiling,you don’t have to spend your money on her,but just be with her,more in her worst,when she had mood swings,because somewhere she has lost it.she doesn’t have lot of friends,and all she want is you.This is her dream,a small one.

But look what he did to daisy,he never put her in his priority list,he thought she is using him,he thought she is fake,she is childish,n vice a versa.You just did all those things that she went through in her past life,you killed the HOPE inside her.She didn’t enjoy the XXX chat but talking with him was more then enough for her.how could daisy be so dumb,that she didn’t recognize this person is using her,when he doesn’t have anyone,when nobody give a damn to him.she was always there,but he left again and again.&she continue to wait and kept on waiting with a hope that “one day,may be just one day,god will know that she loved him,he will know that this is the he wants to be her forever,she will give everything to him and expect love in return,not his money or anything but his support”.

i don’t know where to end the story,its too hard for her to forget everything,every guy that broke her ,that destroyed her in each and every way.She is confused,ready to lock her heart,and use her mind more,be a cold hearted person and may be then she could move alone anywhere,where nobody would hurt her,where she could feel her naked soul ,where there are no feelings and emotions left.

she is not cursing anyone,but hoping that may be just one day,all those who hurt her,could be able to meet their karma,or realize what they destroyed ,how your small mistakes,words,actions could have a big ,negative effect on somebody’s life.

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ZigZag life(part-7)

A simple crush turned into a love.She wanted a relationship but she knew that he won’t make her priority but still had a hope that may be one day he will change his mind.It was hard for her to keep her self on this road while she already knew the future,but she prayed.

daisy was struggling for her job as well.But she had a hope that her fellow friends will help her out.Little did she know,her friends are the ones who wanted to see her falling.As she had excelled in everything ,they were jealous,waiting for a moment where they can leave her behind.There it is,they got a chance.daisy trusted her best friend a lot.even she betrayed her when she joined her new office.Why,Why it is so hard for people to understand her,why they can;t see see her pain,why they can’t notice the change,why they can’t see if she needs help??.but she still stand still and fought everything.

“they are your friends,arn’t they?you helped them in their thin n thick.you used to tackle all their problems,now where are they,dekha beta, i told you,they were looking for benefits and now you are hurt,i told you not to be so good to people”Daisy mother scolded her,but she was quiet,she could see that God portrait in front of her,and silently asking them”what i have do to deserve this?”

october ’16 last week,daisy’s mother was throwing and vomiting.At around 4 a.m. she woke up and saw her mother.she rushed to her father and woke him up.her mother was not in a condition to walk properly.she was cared but hoped for a good.Her mother came back from the hospital at round 7.30 am.daisy took care for her mother for several weeks,while nobody knew around her neighbourhood that her mother was ill.

it was her best friends birthday when daisy called her late at night revealing about her mothers health,her best friend thought she lied but thanked her.

After a while daisy asked her Best friend if they can go somewhere,she kept her on waiting for a week and then she denied that she can’t ,as she didnt have enough expenses.Daisy felt bad,but she forgive her best friend.after a while she came to know that her best friend went to a trip,and another trip.And that day she was hurt,why her best friend is doing this to her.moreover her bf mother was taunting her that her daughter is suffering because of her,she became angry.after doing so many thing,lying to her best friends mother ,she did everything a best friend should do But what she received back?.

that day she decided,daisy you don’t need anyone ,you alone is enough move forward.

to be continued…

ZigZag Life (part-6)

Its easy for a guy to break your heart in a minute and move on,but ever imagined how your step could ruin someones life.Men don’t think before they act.Daisy was almost out of her way ,she tried and failed.It was hard for her to concentrate on her life,she was alone,and went through depression.

In between a guy met her,the way he spoke to her was good.(lets call him A) he wanted to meet and discuss about her career background.It was her birthday where she got proposed by him.although he was 2 years younger but he managed to win her trust.he made her do all those things that she can’t imagine.A typical online rape where one wants to ruin your soul.since daisy was out of her mind,she could not think of anything and accepted that this is her life.They met,but the way he looked at her was not right.when daisy denied to let him touch her,he felt rejected,he tried to give a lectures about her weight.”you should do something about your body,look at that girl,her figure.you will get a job but uff you have a way to much fat”he said.daisy do felt betrayed ,but since she was numb for a long time,she wanted to leave,she asked him to stop the car,smiled a lil and left.Going back home she was freee,free from that BALD,SHORT,BLACK, rascal,who thought he was a GEM,and any girl would fell for her.but what disturbed her was the GUILT she had for the things they did.”guys can easily fool me,i am a girl a guy would want to sleep with but not as a life partner”she cried sitting alone at the roof ,waiting her parents to arrive.

“Hey i am sorry,i was a little rude to you,i am sorry for everything i had done to you,seriously,please forgive me”the A guy messaged her.”you loved what i showed to you h? i am sorry too but you need to go now.”she blocked him.

One day daisy for Tweeting something and this G guys came back asking for her number and second chances.”STOP” her mind said,but he asking for a chance,even i did mistakes,blocked him so many times but he forgives me every time,they chatted,and the whole process started again.ON and OFF,the relationship was.A fight happpened between them,daisy wanted to talk on the phone but this guy,kept saying her those words she hated.”get a life and i am glad i realised this well in advance about you”It was almost heartbreaking for her,how people JUDGE her,without knowing what she is going through.Daisy was quiet,she knew she was right,and until and unless one doesn’t ,eet her personally,understands her,Nobody will have an idea what she is in reality.

what kept her silent is cuz she knews he was right and correcting her, for her mistakes but “GET A LIFE,seriously? ever he asked me what happened in my past, or the pain i went through?did he ever asked me what is hurting me so badly,if i sleep or not ,if i wanted him to touch me,if i wanted to touch him?”daisy thought.

“He don’t deserve you trust me,you are a way better then any girl,if i were at your place,i would have cheated on him,used him in each n every way,but what you did,,daisy you are so stupid,you need to dump this guy and move on,you are a nice girl,i know its hard for anyone to understand you or whats in your mind,even i sometimes don’t get it,but i know you from the last 10 years.dude,all these other boys are waiting for your one yes and you are crying for that bastard that loser.you could have any rich guy,trust me. you are pain in the ass but worth it,baby just don;t cry”Riti her bestie asked her to calm down.

“but why he is doing this with me yaa,all i need was his love, is that to much to ask for?”daisy replied while wiping her tears.

to be continued…..

ZigZag Life (part-5)

26 july,2012,the time when Daisy decided to focus in her life.This time no more relationships,no falling in love,maintaining a distance from everyone.But time had another plans for her or More heart breaks.

In the era of FACEBOOK,she got one request.hush,this guy again but i do like the way he gimme the lectures,let me accept his request.it was nice to see someone from the past ,well she basically had a crush on her.she decided to break the silence and started the conversation.seriously,she could waste her one hour clicking on his pics and hawking like anything.Then one day daisy started flirting with this yahoo guy.(lets call this guy YAHOO guy).

Man,this guy was difficult to flirt with.Kind of seriousness,more career oriented,calm,But genuine,handsome,modest.The one thing she liked the most was his Simplicity.This is the guy she wanted in a good way.they both chatted and then one day because Daisy was a little bit of bold,she confessed to his that she like him and would be great to know more about him.This guy was a serious game.it was a way harder to get his contact number.they chatted more,but all of a sudden this guys showed her some inappropriate thing in chat box.Daisy was shocked.”what the hell now,i did something wrong,i must keep a distance from him,he is a jerk”daisy thought.but in a minute she got a call from him,he made her understand that he wanted her to be comfortable and vice a versa.

she somehow managed to continue with him.He called her in the evening ,she didn’t pick up.Her past flashed ,and she decided to stay away from this YAhoo guy.But did she succeeded? Nah.she had already fallen for him.”something is there,i dont what but something is there”.

its been 3 years,and daisy denied to meet the Yahoo guy in person.september 2013,daisy got her first job,she was immensely happy and so does her parents.time flew by,while she was still in touch with yahoo guy and they became almost close,there goes another bomb.

Daisy lost her job,the company was shut down.It was heart breaking for her,as finding another job in a month again was a bit difficult as no one is helping her out.

She came back home.it was 26th december ,her parents knew that she was sad.Daisy wanted to talk,to her yahoo guy.Well.she had another heart ache before she could share anything.”i don’t think i could stay anymore,i need break,i mean THINGS ARE DIFFICULT”Daisy broke, but she wrote”oh seriously,this runs into your rich family h,use someone and throw them,i don’t wanna see your face again and blocked him.All she could do is cry,she took a step back.

She thought her new year would be good,she will surprise him by visiting his office or near by place and may be they would be together as a couple.But all destroyed in a second.A sad new year,a quiet birthday.She cried and cried more…

 

to be continued…

 

ZigZag life (part-4)

“can you hear me now?” said Riti to daisy.”nah i couldn’t,i hate this yahoo messenger,huh i am going”.

yahoo messenger was one another internet thing that people was obsessed with.Going back back to orkut,nobody knew that daisy has became a crush for a guy,who was 5-6 years elder then her.point is since this guy was immensely rich ,daisy took a step back.yep,she is scared yet she never want to continue with this relationship.She wanted to explain things to this guy who was overly obsessed with her,

Things went worst when daisy denied to meet him in person,this guy just could not took the rejection,n soon he started saying bad words about her.the relationship went off.

nobody knew that daisy is hurt too,why didn’t he understand that she was only 19,and she had a future,goals,she was not ready for marriage or something,she wanted to make him understand but things went a different way.she loved her but it was a way too fast for her.

“hey,”from an unknown guy,on yahoo messenger.Daisy was not in a mood to talk,but something her heart pushed ,she replied.and the conversation went a way to good.This guy was mature,he gave a lecture over relationship.she laughed,immature she was but continued to listen.

Time passed by,daisy became popular among her new internet friends and more close to a guy friend.He was her best guy friend.they fight,they had fun.Now she is graduated and her close internet friend ,lets call him S,went to London for higher studies.Daisy also wanted to go but couldn’t due to the higher fees.they both were in touch but not too much.

daisy was struggling this time to get an admission,her grades were not helping,donation was what university wanted.

after one year of struggling she got admission in an good or top 10 best college.she was happy,and more because she was in touch with her Yahoo messenger guy friend.was he the lucky charm for her,we don’t know.but daisy definitely felt good.the classes started and daisy got busy with studies.”hi my buddy,Her S friend texted her on facebook”,OMG said daisy to him.”where were you,stupid i missed you”.they both giggled and started talking.sooner,they became close,daisy had feelings.and one day they met.the S friend was living near by her home.

He was hawking at her,when daisy came in front of her,they went for a movie.where this S guy,started touching her.daisy was shocked,and recollected the time when she had met another guy during her graduation,who tried to kiss her in the car,daisy slapped him and ran away from him.she laughed but this time she allowed him.they both loved each other,and a kiss they both deserve.

They went a little too far.the fire was too high between them.she loved him truly,even his family knew about their affair.His cousins use to tease them while they talk on the phone.it was all going good,until one day,she was checking his facebook page.A girl wrote “I LOVE YOU,S” Daisy was shook.She was not able to think what has just happened.

After giving all her world to him,she received this??.”no i don’t deserve this,he didn’t cared for our friendship ! i can’t take this,i am not a game,i am not a toy you play with and throw”.Daisy called his cousin to ask everything if that is true.And guess what she got,The Truth,he said”yes,daisy ,he is dating that girl,don’t you know about this? you were his best friend”

“WHAT”?? daisy almost had a Heart attack, but , she somehow manages to stand still and replied sadly,crying”okay,well, all is good,i didn’t knew that,bye.thanks”she hung up the phone.

Double cross,what he was playing with her,Daisy can ruin his life in a minute,but she remained quiet and left,blocked him from everywhere she could.In the end,she left him a long mail ending her relationship with him.she even had a fight a one day before.

How easy it is for a guy to ruin a girls life?! after all she gave everything to him.the trust she had on him,left her broken.Touching the bite mark on her neck,She felt like a slut,men use to play with , and left when satisfied.Her 3rd semester intervals was suffering,she cried day and night,she knew she will never have him back but she can’t make her parents and studies suffer.

Her MBA was almost finished,she scored more then first division.

Her second and third achievement ,she could recall.

to be continued….